Dating Sober

This is a recovery blog and one topic I haven't gotten into is 'dating in recovery.' Yes, to those who know me they will agree that my experience sober dating is almost nonexistent, and the longer I'm single the more I'm ok with that!

Honestly I would love to write you an entire section about successful recovery and relationships, but alas, I have nothing to share with you.

In the earliest months of my sobriety, I very briefly entertained an old flame and then again made the same mistake last summer. Both with different exes, and probably more out of comfort than anything else. These flings fizzled out before they really even formed and I went on about my sobriety as if nothing happened.

I've been on dates and met guys, only one or two of which I ended up seeing again, and though they are really great guys, our lives seem to veer in entirely different paths.

There aren't many times that I realize I'm 100% on board with AA but the dating thing is one of them!

Wait a year

It isn't set in stone that you wait a year to date, however when you are in sober and dating it's often suggested: in some places, it's even expected. The first year of sobriety is a roller coaster simply for the addiction factor, and throwing in a budding relationship adds so much unwanted stress and strain. For recovering addicts, this will undoubtedly make the first year extremely hard.

Not to mention, if anything goes wrong, the recovering addict involved might be driven to relapse because of the added pressures from the relationship. Many sponsors and fellow recovering addicts will tell you, just wait a year. It's just a year, right?

In the grand scheme of your life, it will mean more that you took a year to get your own ducks in a row, rather than expecting a new significant other to love you enough to do so. Sure, it's happened before, but it's not the norm and I wouldn't get my hopes up by thinking you are the exception to the rule.

Dating + Sober

These last two years of being sober and single have taught me a lot about others and a lot more about myself. Although, I would think that being sober might make me slightly more desirable than a blubbering clumsy drunk, but *surprise* I was wrong!

It turns out that when most guys find out I'm sober, they act like I've insulted their manhood. One guy even called me a C***!

....because I don't drink....

Do I need to let that sink in a little longer, or do you understand my willingness to stay single? I'm Jennifer Aniston show-stopper gorgeous, that I know, but some damn chivalry would be nice: or even some respect would be great.

I suppose I've yet to meet someone who is smitten with me enough to look past my sobriety. (insert heavy sarcasm here). I'm being facetious but I hope you get the point; sobriety shouldn't be the deal breaker!

For now, the blog will stay about what I know first hand:

-and as far as relationships go, when the past calls, don't answer; it has nothing new to say

Sometimes single really is better, especially starting off on the sober side.

Leave a Reply